Hermitgamer, 33

Just stepping out that front door is an adventure I been positive for 4 years now.
I'm here because half of my heart is empty the other half is filled with this love for a guy I'm with.The reason I'm here is because even with his love I can't get what I need from him cause he's normal. I want him to understand, but since he doesn't have an STD he will N E V E R understand the best he can do is watch and wait and guess and give me all this crap like most people do when I confess or talk about it,"How to prevent it and take better care of my health." then they give me this list of ways to prevent it and ways I should of protect myself and the entire time their talking I'm thinking. " I done listen to this crap a THOUSAND times every time I confess or even talk about it! Well, its a bit too late to have perfect health when you have an STD so,I only count my health as average or low at best.Plus, I HATE people talking about how "healthy" they are it does get on my nerves and when I start a group conversation bout it and my friends turn me into a subject on an STD commercial.So, what I'm here for is contacts to text.I don't normally like a lot of phone calls,however,I prefer texting more.Calling is still okay as well if you let me know when or if it okay to call.I just want people to "talk" too and fill that hole I got in my chest.I can't love the man I'm with fully because one day I might suffer and maybe I be on my death bed and when that time comes I would like one person to know the pain I am in and the struggles I'm going through when it comes.I don't want to be around people that don't have it and be stared down at and pitiedand have people ignore me.I want people to not guess my pain and cry and say I'm sorrya thousand more times. I want to be able to call someone in that moment call someone like me and get the comfort and nourishment I need. I shut myself away and live as a hermit because of people. I still live the life I want to live I just choose to b alo